Yo girl.
Okay here is the thing.

I KEEP SAYING HERE IS THING AND I DON'T KNOW WHY. I am officially going to stop.
So anywayyyys.
I am a naughty girl and I am skipping class. It is 50 minutes, a waste of my life, and I have to edit this psych paper. Granted, I am writing an LJ entry but...whatevs.

SO yeah.
Once again I have hope. For the future...for everything. Things are going well.

Love the psychological immune system.
LOVE IT.

K I am crayzay. Girl sorry I never responded to your text, and I couldn't talk, and I will call you soon. If not tonight then tomorrow night or this weekend. I have to go for a moonlit walk to the fountain some day soon. 

Love you.

Sorry for my pointless entry. I'm strange.

Mirror by Barlow Girl is an awesome song that everyone should listen to on a daily basis. Haha. I just love it. Anyways, I am home of course. I spent the night at Angela's last night after helping her with AP Euro and this other stuff. Man I am glad high school is over now that I compare the two. I mean senior year was awesome, but there is only one senior year. Anyways. So I am at my house and I found my old journal from junior year  I wrote I swear, like a 15 page anger emotion explosion. Of like, my body image problems and the way I felt and all this stuff. It was so weird to read again. I was like whoa, I can't believe I wrote all of this down. Like, just sat there and straight wrote it all down. It is really weird. I think later I am going to type it up or something, I want to keep it. I feel like it is a part of me. I remember writing it that day and it was a great release, like a realization of everything kind of. IDK, but I definitely think this journal in particular had a lot of stuff. It had what I wrote right after Manny died, and with my sister and it is so weird, it seems so distant, so long ago. But it really wasn't at all. It will be the 2 year anniversary on the 23rd of December. Well anyways, I think I will do that later. I need to be driving and dreaming right now. Haha. I don't even know. I am weird. Later. :D

No, this is not me saying that I FINALLY got my first kiss, but rather, that I finished my paper! Haha. Man I can't find my phone. :/ I just heard it vibrate too, most likely a response from Meg Hicklin. :( And I missed it.

Okay so anyways, I finished my paper, so all is good in the world. I work till 9 tonight, and then on Sunday from 10-6, so Saturday I will be getting all my work done. And I can honestly for once say that I don't have that much to do! Just some Anthropology reading and a portfolia thing for English. Woohoo! Oh and math homework, but math homework doesn't count in my mind for some reason. Oh well. And I get my paycheck today. It better be the big bucks. ;)

Sooooo today I have my two dumb pointless classes that are very lame. But, they are better than going to other classes since we never do anything in there! Plus the guy who INTRIGUES me is in those classes. Haha. I can still dream, can't I?

So anyways. I have a 93 in math right now, we just got our averages. To keep that/make it go higher I must do relatively well (an A) on the final math test, and then on our research proj get a good grade. We know we are gonna get 100 though we have worked so hard on it. :D
So yep, Anthro and Lit are the classes I am most worried about. I have a 97 in English. But Lit, he doesn't do averages, it like, depends on our papers. I got a B on the first, an A minus on the second, and I am turning in the third today. And I am kind of unsure about this paper. But I just hope I can manage a B in that class. I  mean, an A would be nice but I am going to be realistic here! Haha. So Anthro is uncertain because we haven't gotten the two labs back yet. If I get a high A on the final, I think I can get an A minus in the class, but I mean, that is just me randomly guessing, so who really knows. I would be happy with a high B or a low A. Or a high A, of course, haha, but I know that isn't possible at this time. I have been speaking up more in class though so I think my participation grade has gone up. So yeah, that is that.

I have...one more paper for Lit, one more paper (with a partner) for English, a final and probably a few more labs for Anthro, one more math test, a final paper for Forum, and a final paper for SLS. So...I think that is everything. All these coming in the next month. I think I can do it. So yeah, that is my boring school-related LJ entry. Sorry :/ I needed to think out loud. Or...on the internet for that matter, Anywho, I need to take a shower, take my pills, eat breakfast, FIND MY PHONE, clean my room, throw away my trash, and...oh yeah, get dressed. Haha. Then I have class and work. I shall not be home until late, What an exciting day! :D

Love you ladies. ;)

Maybe I was wrong.
Maybe the guy who INTRIGUES me could like me. I mean, not now because he doesn't know me...but perhaps it's possible! IDK though. But like, I am trying to tell myself that it is possible, so then I will believe. I don't know whether I believe it or not yet but...I should.

Yeah...I should, and I will try.

So...I have work today from 4-9. Not exactly a party but whatever. I have to remember-MONEY MONEY MONEY. Lol. I get my second paycheck on Friday. But yeah. I need that "papah" ...as Meg would call it. Haha.

Uggggh I have a stomachache. And a thesis paper for Lit due Friday which I haven't started yet. Woops. I finally figured out what my thesis is though...it is really far-fetched but whatevs. I need to get that papah finished. Lol.

Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow.

You are so fly.

Meg, call me. Steph, I'll see you on the flipside. ;)

So.
I almost got hit by a car today. Not cool at all. The douchebag didn't put his turn signal on, the stupid douchebag. So anyways. I have been more talkative with guys lately, but not the guy who I like. WAIT. I will call him the guy who INTRIGUES me because I can't like someone I don't know. I have to remember that. Haha. Maybe I am just insane. I feel as if I am insane. Gosh it's cold in here.

So anywho, I found a spot that I  will go to whenever I want to relax, or de-stress or whatever, I shall go there. It is this fountain next to the abandoned movie theater. So anyways. Nothing else is new.

I have been working, homeworking, and socialworking. Not that the socialworking thing is doing well when it comes to the guy who INTRIGUES me. Haha. Oh well.

I keep telling myself it is POSSIBLE for someone to like me...but then I keep untelling myself. I am like, there is no way. There is NO WAY. And then if I start to think that maybe someone would, I think, well if it were someone, it would NOT be the guy who INTRIGUES me. Definitely not. And then I'm like, well wait, if it were someone, it would be NO ONE, because NO ONE would like me! Dang. I have no idea how to be positive when it comes to this. Man man man,

Well anyways. I go to Tampa in 26 days for Thanksgiving. Woo! I can't wait to see my homegirls. No homeguys for me. Oh well. I am not fly enough to befriend a male specimen. Oh well oh well oh well.

Love you very much.

:)

 It's weird to think I am kind of happy right now? Haha. It just is. I am not used to it. So basically...I think I like my job. I think. Yesterday was way better and I like my schedule for next week. And...I got an A- on my Lit paper that I was worried about and...I am on top of things in my math class and I think I'll do well on the test next Thursday. My mom sent me a package from her trip to Maine with all this awesome stuff.

And I am seeing Saw V tonight! Woohoo!

So I guess things actually are good right now...

Weird.

Very weird. I need to think about this.

On the other hand, in class we took a test to see whether we had anxiety disorder, and I answered yes to all of the questions. I go to the Psychologist today, so I am going to talk to him about this. It might relate to my irrational worrisomeness and stuff.

We will see.

Joey Potter, I left you a novel of a comment.

YOU ARE FLY.

<3

I am nervous for my second day of work. I feel so retarded when I'm new at something because I have no clue what the eff I am doing and I hate that. But we will see. I will let you chicks know. I hooooope I can do it. Well, I know I can. I am just slow sometimes. Yeah. Very very slow. Oh, so I got my anthro midterm back and I got an 83. I missed a few like, really stupid questions which pisses me off. But she said the grades were so bad (so I assume I was one of the better ones because other people got D's and C's. But anywho, so she gave us a chance to get extra credit, which I am gonna do this weekend. I really want an A in that class but with that score I don't know if I can. I am gonna study even more and thoroughly for the final exam. We'll see. Well I have a busy day today...two classes in a row and then work from 2:30 to 9:00. I just hope work goes well. And I hope I get a good grade on my Lit paper to put me in a good mood for work. If not...I will prob be all sad and stuff. 

Well I have to go to class. Latahhhh.

So, I have class in 20 minutes and I am freaking out because, immediately after I get out of class at 10:50, I must return to my humble abode and write an entire literary analysis paper. Granted, it can be 2-3 pages and this is only the rough draft, but I need to do it before class at 2, and not to mention go to the printing lab to print it before class because of my printer being broken. Ugh. I worked yesterday RIGHT after class from 2:30 to 9:00 and it was crazy and exhausting and I came home soooooooooooooo wiped out. I tried to start working on my paper last night but I just couldn't. My brain was FRIED. Actually, my brain still seems kind of fried. Anyways, I woke up early today to figure out what piece I am writing on and stuff and I figured it out and I just need to write the paper. I hope it comes easily to me. Man I am so stressed out. I HATE having two English classes. Too many conflicting papers and readings and agh. Everything is so uncool. Well anyways, I guess I am going to lay down for 10 minutes because my stomach hurts a LOT. Then I shall venture to class. =/

I don't really know what to do with myself anymore. I feel like I'm doing all these things but it is getting me nowhere. Maybe I am not doing anything but I am lying to myself and saying I am. Hm hm hm hm hm. So today I watched the movie The Painted Veil. It was very good and very sad. I love Edward Norton soooo much. Not only is he beautiful, but he is a brilliant actor. What an awesome man. :) Haha.

Well anywho, so...I should read for Lit today. But it is only 2:30 and if I do that now, then what will I do later? But if I do it later, what will I do now?! Gosh, I have no idea what to do with myself. I already said this,  but it's all I can think of to say. 

You know the song "I Say A Little Prayer" from the movie My Best Friend's Wedding? Well, I was just listening to it. I love that song. :)

So...I have nothing to say, damnit.

DAMNIT.

Whatever I guess I will go read for Lit or even take a nap. But I bet if I try to take a nap I will not fall asleep. I swear, it has been impossible for me to take naps here. I think I am just really anxious all the time or something.

Ugh, so tomorrow I am pretty sure I get my grade back for the Anthro midterm. More and more I am worrying and seeing myself get more and more answers wrong than I origanally anticipated. GR. This is not cool.

I feel insane. Am I insane? I am insane. INSANE!

Well I am gonna go lay down now. I am not very happy.

You guys are cool. 

<3

I SUCK AT LIFE.

Have you ever felt like you messed up your entire life and you wish you could go back to the beginning and change everything you've done? At least the things that made it/make it worse. I do. All the time. I make a mistake or something and then I wish it was possible to go back, but I know that it is not. I just wish I could start life over and be better in all the ways that I am not good. Or how I want to be, or whatever. You probably haven't felt like that. You are awesome. But that is how I feel, fosho. Sometimes I hate myself so much I can't handle it. I know that is horrible of me to say, but it's true. Sometimes I love myself. But sometimes, I truly truly hate myself and wish that I never was. Well anyways, like I said, that is bad. Really bad. And I should never say it again.

On the bright side, i finished all of my math homework today and watched a movie called Zodiac and Rob DJ was in it (Robert Downey Jr. for future references). I love this man.

Oh, and I start training as a pharm tech for CVS on tues and thurs. For 6 and a half hours each day! JEES! I hope my schedule (which I find out on Thurs. I think) isn't like that. I don't know. I hope I get a lot of weekend hours considering I NEVER HAVE ANYTHING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND AND I AM LAME AS HELL!

Haha. Well that is true, fosho.

I should probably go get dinner,

I love you.

:)
:(

So today was totally uneventful in every way possible!

I spent forever cleaning my room, because I was totally getting careless and sloppy. But yeah, I did that. I feel waaaaay better now that it's clean. Haha. And I built my shelf. I messed up kinda but it looks aiight. And at least I don't have to put my books on the floor.

SERIOUSLY. BOOKS ON THE FLOOR. THIS IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!?!?! Ah I am lame as hell. Lol. I wish I had awesome stories about Todd, my nonexistent boyfriend and our romantic getaways. But no. Here I am telling you stories of roomcleaning and shelfbuilding. God I am lame!

Well...

:(

I have no juicy stories. I will try to create some juice in my life. That sound weird. But I will.

Aiight dawgs, latah.

Chicks.
SUP.

Haha.

So anyways, I had my midterm for anthro and I think I did...okay on it. I am not sure. I guess we get our grades on Monday so I'll just have to wait and see! There was this one definition I could NOT remember for the life of me, so I wished I had paid more attention to that one word. Oh well. Whatevs. I need to read The Misanthrope for Lit tomorrow. Fun fun fun!!!

So for the first weekend I think I don't have a bunch of hw to do! I can relax and just sleep and watch Edward Norton and anime and listen to awesome music and have an awesome relaxing time. Yep yep yep. And I can catch up on work without feeling pressure to actually get it done. Haha.Ugh. Something is weird with my keyboard and it is not coo. So yeah I should prob go read now. I keep putting it off. I am lame. :)

Aiight girl dawgs well I am gonna go now!

I know I have no fly stories to tell at the time being. Byeness!

<3

You ladies are COOL as hell. :)

:D

So anyways, today was pretty chill. In Lit, all we did was listen to Duke Ellington which was TOTALLY fine with me. Haha. We needed a break after those papers. But anywho, it was awesome.

TOMORROW I have my Anthropology midterm which is 25% of our final grade. So I need to start looking at my notecards and reviewing all this crap and probably just study my ass off! I HAVE to get a good grade on it. I HAVE to! Therefore I will. :)

Okay gals, that is all for now because...I am lame and must study forever.

WISH ME LUCK!!!

Love always,
EW